As I move closer to that moment of being one with Christ, of taking the Eucharist, the most blessed and holy, into my body, to nourish and expand the Divinity within me—God’s very breath of creation—and feed my soul with the food always intended for it, but never really known, I feel a great sense of anticipation and an almost relief.
As a child, my parents regularly took us to the Martyr’s Shrine and the great cathedral there. It has been over twenty years since I last visited, but it is very clearly visible in my mind. Their choice of ‘mecca’ as a day trip for our family, laid the foundation for my soul and its future.
Although many times, it was the historical aspect of the area which we sought to experience, for me, there was always a great, incomprehensible drawing of my being toward the cathedral itself. I often imagined myself prostrate, face down, mimicking the cross on the floor, before the altar of God, ready to donate my spirit and whole being to the Most High.
As a child, I would buy one medal of a saint and then run off to seek a Jesuit priest to bless it. My mother was always frustrated with me, whether I was good or misbehaving, which was frequent in her eyes. But there at the church, she would sometimes let her walls down and be kind.
My mother used to say to me, “You’d make a great ‘doubting Thomas’!” because I had to see the proof of everything. But where my sense of spirituality was concerned, I always knew God was real, even when I denied His existence. Without the Divine, there would be nothing, anywhere. Sometimes my denials were simply based on frustration with my own life.
My path of spiritual seeking has journeyed down many, many roads through science, nature, other cultures, religions, and numerous great pieces of literature, but I think they were all just laying the stones in my road home. What appeared to be a maze was a path, straight and true, toward the Lord.
I am grateful for the wonderful mystery of salvation, and how it has transformed my life.
My hope is that everyone, before they end their journey in this world, which is a mix of beauty and pain, will find their answer and reach their eternal home.